"Hey, you're back," Ken said, rising from his seat in front of the television. Youji spared it a quick glance as noise continued to stream from its speakers--soccer, of course. "How was--"
Youji closed the distance between them in a stride, pressing two fingertips to Ken's lips. "Hush." He slipped an arm around Ken's waist and drew up close, body to body. He slid the remote out of Ken's hand, killed the set, and dropped it. "Ken, I want you to stay quiet, please." He replaced his fingers with his lips. He only grazed Ken's lips, first. He kissed the corners of Ken's mouth, threading his fingers through Ken's hair. He kissed him again, pressing his lips apart, reaching inside, and the battle began. Ken's hands came up to clasp his hip and back, and he began to kiss Youji--but Youji was in earnest. He would not give up control this time. His grip on Ken tightened as his tongue speared into Ken's mouth, warring with the other man's.
"Mnh..." Ken swayed slightly under him and Youji pushed. They stumbled back, still locked together, till Ken's back hit the wall. They parted, barely, for air, then Youji resumed the kiss with a strange, controlled desperation.
When he drew back, finally, to rest his forehead against Ken's, they were both panting. Youji put a finger to Ken's lips again, then let it fall. Ken waited.
"I wish," Youji breathed. "That you would've kissed me like that, just once, because you wanted me." He took a deep breath. "Not because you were sad or angry, or just horny, but because I made you feel that way." He took Ken's hands gently away and stepped back to meet his eyes. "Y'know, I loved you."
A rueful smile curved Ken's lips. "I think I knew that... in a way, but didn't wanna."
Youji attempted a smile, then nodded instead. "'M sorry, Ken."
"Not for you t'be sorry, Youji," Ken said. "I'm--" He shook his head, forcing a grin. "You can listen to me later, if you wanna. You've got somewhere better to be right now, don't you?"
"Maybe," Youji said slowly. Uncertainty crossed his face. "But that's not the only reason..."
"I know. And I could name more of 'em for you... but don't make me, huh?"
Youji smiled, and had to fight down an urge to embrace Ken. Again he simply nodded. It seemed like there was more to say... and simultaneously he felt the need to say it fading away to nothing. What he'd truly, urgently needed to do, he'd done, and already he felt lighter. He felt a twinge at the thought of leaving Ken alone in his room now, but that was immediately overshadowed by the urgency of what he had to do next. Ken could and would wait. "I'll see you tomorrow, Ken," Youji said. When everything has changed. One way or another.
"Bright and early."
Youji paused outside Ken's door, leaning against the frame. He was starting to feel a little lightheaded. Alcohol on an empty stomach, he remembered, without believing that was the reason. He laughed faintly. Why'm I so nervous all of a sudden? He stood up straight, clenching his fists by his sides. I'm nearly there. And I gotta do this.
He walked the few steps to Aya's door and knocked.
He had another moment to mull over what he wanted to say before Aya opened the door and he forgot it all. "I'm home," he said lamely.
Aya looked at him for a moment before stepping back, opening the door wide. "Come in."
Youji nodded as he stepped in, toeing off his shoes by the door.
"Have a seat," Aya said, motioning towards his bed and armchair. "How did you rest?"
"Aya, I want you back," Youji blurted.
Aya looked at him over his shoulder, eyebrows raised. "I only ended it yesterday, you miss me already?"
"Yes," Youji said. "Heh. And don't be a wiseass," he said, smiling anyway. "I'm serious."
Aya shrugged, giving him an apologetic little smile. He shook his head gently. "I can't." He walked past Youji, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. "We're better off as friends, the two of us."
Youji frowned, suppressed a shudder of foreboding. You gotta listen... He glanced at the armchair Aya had just offered him and noticed the open volume of Dashiel Hammet stories on the seat with a return of warmth. This is where I wanna be. He swallowed again, summoning the confidence that was his trademark with everyone else. "Aya, I'm gonna be honest with you, so... Don't be any cooler about this than you really are... not for me. Please."
Aya sighed, dropping his gaze to the floor. "Don't overestimate me. I had selfish reasons. I--"
"I left Ken."
Aya looked up sharply. "You were supposed to work it out!"
"He wasn't right for me. He never was." Youji shook his head, coming closer. "But that's not what's important. Aya, I had to come to you in the right way. I had to ask you properly."
Aya's eyes went huge as Youji reached the bedside... and knelt. Aya opened his mouth, then shut it. Youji could see his jaw clenching.
"Aya, I left him because I want you. And I don't have him to go back to if you say no. It's gotta be you, or no one." Aya was already shaking his head. "I understand... I understand that I hurt you. I fucked up. And I don't deserve you, but Aya..." He reached gently to turn Aya's face towards him, catching his eyes and holding them. "I'll spend the rest of my life trying to, if that's how long it takes."
Aya's hands had started to shake. He clasped them together and dropped his gaze. "Youji, I can't..." he whispered. "I can't be like Ken for you. I can't share you." He resisted when Youji lifted his face, but ended up meeting Youji's eyes again. When he did, they were suspiciously moist.
"I don't want you to, Aya," Youji said. "I want it your way."
Aya's brows pursed questioningly.
"I don't need anyone else, if I can have you. I don't want anyone else besides you. I mean it. If you say no, I'll be alone till I can make you say yes."
Aya cracked a weak smile. "You're not taking 'no,' eh?" Youji shook his head, smiling. He knew his nervousness had to be showing. "Why?" Aya whispered. "I know you care for Ken."
"I do... I really do," Youji said, looking down. "Even though he isn't perfect in a lotta ways, and our relationship... hasn't been the best. He's been there through a lotta shit. He's helped... 'cuz at heart he doesn't mean me or anybody else any harm, he's just fucked up," Youji shook his head. "Just like the rest of us. He's still a good friend, he's more than that..." Youji took a short breath, looking up again. "But... I don't... he's not..." Youji swallowed. "With you, it's different. With you... it's as if..." He trailed off.
Aya leaned forward. "What?" he asked, voice soft.
Youji's eyes took on a determined gleam. A look of dawning comprehension spread across his face, and grew as he strung the words together, slowly at first, but gaining momentum. "As if... it wouldn't matter what you did," he said. "As if... it would be the same if you were making love to me, or fighting next to me; just talking or even being silent; just sitting on the couch behind me buried in a book; falling asleep with your arms around me, or sitting in the corner polishing your katana..." His mouth opened and closed twice before he finished. "... It all feels so good, I couldn't choose any one. So good I don't know what to do with myself. Because I don't wanna waste my time anywhere else. With anyone else. 'Cause I'd so much rather be here with you..."
There was a long pause. Aya stared at him as his words seemed to sink in. Finally, he licked his lips, swallowing to moisten his throat. "You're in love with me."
Youji nodded slowly, and the next breath he took was less than steady. "It took me too long to figure it out. I hurt you so much..."
"Youji, it's--"
"It's not alright, Aya," Youji said. A tiny, nervous tick pulled at the corner of his mouth. "It won't be, either, until I get to take care of you the way you've always taken care of me. I wanna wake up next to you every morning and know you slept as well as I did. I wanna make sure your day goes well, and listen to you bitch if it doesn't. I want to always come back to you at the end of the day. I don't ever want you to have to get up and leave after we sleep together. I want... to see you smile more often... and think that some part of it, at least... was because of me. Maybe you can't let me now, but--"
"Stop," Aya whispered. "Stop!" he covered Youji's hand on his cheek with one of his own, leaned forward and kissed Youji. Youji yielded to the kiss with a small sound akin to a whimper. Aya drew back, kissing him lightly once, twice more. "Enough. Everything you say, Youji, just as you said it." His hands shook slightly as he reached for Youji's shoulder to draw him up. "Come up here..." Youji rose and Aya pulled him onto the bed, guiding him onto the pillow. Aya moved over him to embrace him, kissing Youji over and over again.
"I'll mess up," Youji said, breathing hard as he tried to get a word in between kisses. "I'll mess up and you gotta tell me what I'm doing wrong."
"I won't care."
"But I will! So you gotta..."
"I'll be strict with you," Aya laughed softly. "If that's what you want."
"Yes..." Youji sighed. "I want you to show me how it's done. Everything. I--"
Aya pressed a finger lightly to Youji's lips. "There's time," he whispered. "You offered me a lifetime. I'll take it. You can have mine. I was willing to spend it without you for your sake... So, now..."
Youji kissed the fingertip. "You're in love with me."
Aya sighed, giving Youji a warm, genuine smile. "Yes."
Youji smiled back. "Then there is time," he said, lacing his fingers behind Aya's head and pulling him down again.
They passed a while in wordless reconfirmation of that statement.
"Na, Aya..."
"Nn?"
"You're gonna make fun of me for this later, aren't you?"
...
"I wouldn't dream of it."
"I don't like how long you waited!"
The next morning dawned differently for Aya than had any preceding it. It was a lazy, sun-drenched Saturday that began with Youji kissing him good-morning before the opening shift, and Aya going back to sleep, only to be awoken again just as pleasantly two hours later. It was a strange feeling, and a good one, leaving Youji in his bed, knowing this was just a break, a to-be-continued.
Consequently, he was in too good a mood to be suspicious when Ken met him on the second floor.
"Yo," Ken greeted him, and landed a fist to his jaw.
Aya skidded back and threw an arm over the ballustrade to keep his feet, his other hand going to his cheek. "What the hell--?!" he started, murder flashing in his eyes.
Ken was completely calm, though, face pleasant. "Had to get it outta my system. You owe me one again now, if you want. Save it for later."
Still frowning direly, Aya slowly straightened up, holding his jaw. My face is never going to heal at this rate, he thought wryly. He noticed his other hand wasn't even clenched, and his expression relaxed. "Aa. I'll do that." I almost feel like apologizing. The thought of Youji's bruise a week earlier ran through his mind. But not quite. I win. You lose. From now on, anything concerning him is rightfully my business. He's mine. He was smiling as he let his hand fall from the new bruise colouring his cheek. It was laughably trivial compared to that thought. "Don't think I'll forget." But I will. I don't care.
Ken frowned. "Smug. Yeah, I don't expect you to. Listen," his voice went serious. "Take care of him."
"I will," Aya said, feeling his smile widen. He could hide things for Youji's sake. He could hide his emotions to protect the privacy of his own affairs. But he didn't care, now, who knew how content he was. "I didn't need you to tell me."
"Mm." Ken regarded him a moment, expression skeptical. "Yeah, I guess. That's why I'm letting you."
The line of Aya's mouth hardened a little at that remark, but he let it slide. Steadily, he returned Ken's gaze until Ken looked away.
"See ya tomorrow, Aya," Ken said, turning and heading for the back stairs.
"Aa," Aya said, watching him go.
"Good morning, Aya-kun!" Omi greeted Aya as he entered, then did a double-take. "Your face--"
"It's nothing," Aya said, meaning it, as he went for his apron.
"There're some orders for you to work on over there," Omi said, gesturing to the work table. It looked like someone had already been busy at it during the first shift. "Doesn't look like a busy day ahead."
"Right," Aya said, looking through the order slips. He went to fetch the necessary vases, then to the refrigerated display for a batch of daffodils and a few purple orchids. He settled down at his workstation and Omi drifted over.
"I heard from Youji this morning," Omi said, drawing Aya's eyes up, somewhat startled. Omi smiled sunnily. "Good for you two."
Aya frowned. He hadn't given much thought to Omi's possible reaction to the shift in relationships around him. He hadn't gotten as far as thinking about telling him, either, but it seemed Youji had. Aya's expression relaxed into just short of a smile. "Thank you," he said, a bit stiffly. It was awkward having Omi witness, and more, approve of the switch, but... that was part of the openness Aya had been craving. Being the one other person they were truly close to, Omi's awareness of their relationship truly made it official.
"I think--" Omi started, and was interrupted by the door-chime. He shrugged apologetically at Aya and bustled towards the two incoming customers. "Irasshaimasse~!"
Aya returned to his arrangement. A couple more customers came and went as Aya finished his first and second orders and an hour and a half slipped peacefully by. He was bringing down an armful of lilies when the door jingled again.
"You guys!" Omi greeted enthusiastically.
Curious, Aya turned around, spotting three familiar boys--one curly-haired and brown eyed, the other two straight-haired, cat-eyed. Nagano Nao and the Kitabayashi twins, Yukio and Hideo. Aya raised an eyebrow. Far in the back of his mind... hadn't he made a mental note to kill Nao? Oh, yes... he was the one who'd caused his discussion with Omi on the mechanics of gay sex. Also, if he remembered correctly, the one who'd begun their group's masturbation ritual...
Aya sat down to his third vase and glared over at the group of teenagers, as Omi led them to a corner near the front of the shop to talk. You really would never guess, from the cherubic outward appearance of those four, what they were doing behind closed doors. Together. Aya felt his face settling into a scowl and tried to tone it down. It wouldn't do to scare off Omi's friends and alienate Omi in the process. Besides, he remembered, Omi's friends were caught in an unhappy love triangle, he had said. So perhaps they deserved leeway. A little.
Aya shifted his concentration to his arrangement, determined to ignore the boys. He placed the lilies carefully, one by one, then decided he needed more variety and returned to the refrigerator for a few strands of ivy. As he returned to his seat, there was an eruption of laughter from the far corner.
Aya lifted an eyebrow as he returned to work. He couldn't help it, he shifted his seat so that he could watch them. It didn't make sense. Aya couldn't tell the twins apart, but at least one of them was supposed to be lovestricken for Nao, while the other commanded his unwanted affections. And yet, both twins were smiling sunnily. They stood a very friendly distance apart from each other and were continuously laughing at something Nao or Omi was saying, and clapping them on the shoulder or slapping them a high-five for it. They seemed entirely at ease with each other and with Nao. And the latter, who was reportedly dying with love for Yukio--or was it Hideo?--was the picture of happiness, with his arm around Omi's shoulders, expression content and posture relaxed. Omi had said Nao was angry with him for the comment he'd made about the twins, so how were they getting along so well? That had only been a week ago! Did teenagers' embroilments really clear up that fast? It was almost as if...
As if...
Aya found himself staring openly across the flower shop. Omi, glancing over his shoulder, caught Aya's eye and smiled. His lips moved.
'Caught me?' Omi mouthed.
Aya's jaw dropped.
You can't be serious...
There was no love triangle. There had been no tiff between Omi and Nao. No comparison between twins. All of it? Omi had made all of it up? Just... just how far back did this deception go? For how long had he been telling tales? And all... for the purpose... of manoeuvering his teammates into...
Still watching him, Omi smiled radiantly and nodded.
Aya's blood ran cold. Mechanically he stood up and removed his apron. "My shift's done," he said. He turned, and bolted for the stairs.
The door to Aya's room was ajar when he arrived, slightly out of breath. A gust of cool air met him as he reached for the knob. Youji was at the window, leaning out into the breeze with his hands braced against the sill. His eyes were closed against the sun shining directly on his face as the wind tossed his hair.
"Wah!" Youji yelped as Aya threw his arms around him from behind, pressing his face into Youji's neck. "You nearly pushed me out!"
"I've got you." Aya's words were muffled against Youji's collar, his fingers busy unbuttoning the brunet's shirt from the bottom up.
"Mm," Youji agreed, leaning back into the embrace. As Aya finished unbuttoning his shirt, and let it fall open, Youji turned to face him. "I have the next shift, you know."
"Mm." Aya slipped his hands into Youji's shirt, caressing his way to a secure hold on his back and drawing him close. He kissed Youji for all he was worth. Youji slung an arm around his neck, his other reached out and pulled the shade down over the window, shifting the light in the room from white to amber. "Can I make you a bit late?" Aya asked, steering Youji towards the bed.
"Only if I can blame you." Youji kissed Aya again, reaching for the hem of his sleeveless shirt. Aya lifted his arms to let him pull it off, then pushed Youji's shirt off his shoulders.
Youji laughed as they went for each others' belts simultaneously. "Race you," he grinned, earning himself a kiss for the tongue he stuck out. And, "Blah, a tie," a moment later, as they stepped out of the remainder of their garments and tumbled ungracefully onto the mattress.
Youji rolled onto his back and reached behind him for the nightstand, finding the bottle they'd used the night before. Aya swung an arm and a leg over him, then sat up as Youji leaned up towards him. Youji kissed his chest as he took Aya in his hands, spreading oil with slow, careful strokes, then muffling Aya's groan with his mouth.
Youji's hands traced over Aya's abdomen and behind his back, and pulled Aya down over him as he lay back. Aya positioned himself, and Youji moved down to meet him.
Aya closed his eyes as he entered, biting his lip. This moment was always familiar, never the same. A hunger reinvented every time, never fully sated.
Aya's eyes opened to Youji's head thrown back. He tasted the curve of his throat and Youji's legs came up to hug his waist.
"Aya." Youji kissed Aya's arm as he planted one on each side of Youji's head. "Aya..." Bracing himself and Youji that way, Aya watched Youji's face as he moved over and inside him. He watched the tension along his jawline and between his brows, the way his name looked on Youji's lips.
Youji's eyes half-opened, meeting his, and Youji smiled brilliantly. Then his eyes squeezed shut and his fingers along Aya's spine tightened and both of them, for one infinite instant, were completely still.
"A...ya...aa..."
Still panting for breath, Aya gathered Youji to him, burying his face in his hair. Youji embraced him in turn, curling close.
"What's up, Aya?"
Aya snorted. "Had to make sure. That you... were still really here... or something."
Youji kissed his collarbone. "Convinced?"
"More or less." Had to make sure. I was scared, all of a sudden. By the idea that this had all been a mistake. Chance. If someone else was actually responsible, then... "Youji."
"Hm?"
"If we... if I..." I want to think that we would have gotten here somehow, eventually, by ourselves. But I'm not sure. And if that's true, then... "How we got together..."
"You cannot begin to imagine how little I care," Youji said emphatically. Aya blinked as Youji's arms tightened around him. "I have you. And you're it for me. And how we got here? I give less than a damn. If my worst enemy had brought this about, I wouldn't care. All that matters is that it happened."
"Oh," Aya said, pacified by the immediacy and force of Youji's answer. "Mm. You're right." The idea that this much happiness was contingent on someone else's planning troubled him, but the future was in his hands, and that was what really mattered.
"Hmph, Aya, what is this?"
"Eh?"
"You said you were gonna make me late. I've got a good two minutes before my shift even starts."
"Oh, really..."
Still, Aya thought uneasily.
"Well, I can't fail to keep my word, now, can I?"
"Absolutely not!"
I'd better be careful. God forbid I get on Omi's bad side...
"The kid's dangerous," Aya had said once before. Truer words had never been spoken!
Epilogue
"Ahhh, really..." Omi huffed, clearing the worktable of all the extra flowers and clippings Aya had neither used nor tidied up. "I end up cleaning up all their mess. Three of them is a lot to handle!"
Perched along with Nao on stools nearby, the twins giggled. "I think you caused a little of this one, didn't you, Omi-kun?" Hideo said.
"Don't be so hard on them when you've just led them all around by the nose, hm?" Yukio continued.
"Huh!" Omi said, feigning indignation, but marring it by grinning. "They spent years not figuring it out themselves! I did them a big favour! And with no trivial bit of effort on my part, might I add."
The twins giggled again, and chanted in unison, "Sca~ry!"
Omi stuck out his tongue at them.
"Hmmmm," Nao grinned, watching Omi as he came back with a wet rag to wipe down the table. "And you did it all altruistically, with no ulterior motives whatever..."
"Huh?" Omi blinked.
"Ye~s," Yukio said, leaning forward, green cat-eyes bright. "What about Ken-san?"
"Who is a~ll alone now that Youji-san is with Aya-san," Hideo chimed in.
Omi coloured slightly. "Ken-kun is..."
"Yes?" Nao said, adopting an innocent expression. "Do tell?"
"Ken-kun is... not yet ready for a relationship," Omi said, shaking out the rag and turning on his heel to go put it away.
"Really...?"
Omi sighed. "Ken-kun needs to learn from this first. He needs to figure out why he and Youji didn't work out. And what he did wrong. And maybe then," Omi returned, smiling. "Maybe then we'll see about... possibilities."
"I bet you could train him," Hideo snickered.
"Perhaps," Omi chuckled. "But not till he's grown a lot by himself." He shot a sly look at Nao. "And in the meantime we have plenty to do to keep ourselves occupied... hm?"
Nao smiled widely back. "I'm relieved to hear you say it. Poor Ken-san will simply have to wait." He shot a smirk at the twins, who blew him a double raspberry.
"So," Omi said. "When one of them finally deigns to relieve me, do we have plans?"
"Let's go over to my place," Nao said. "I've got a new video..."