The three of them stood in a rough triangle formation near the door to the building. People milled by, not that many, but enough to make this more difficult. They were innocent bystanders, they had to keep that in mind. And hope that none of them were hurt in the completion of this mission.
"I want to be in and out of here in ten minutes," Aya said, jaw tight. "No more."
"That's a little optimistic, isn't it?" Youji said doubtfully, picking out possible routes. "It's kinda crowded..."
"And the list is pretty long," Ken added.
"Nothing we can't handle," Aya said with slightly more confidence than he felt. He scanned the list again. "Either of you know the locations?"
"Ehh... Omi knows the layout," Ken sighed. "I've never been here."
Aya glanced at Youji, who shrugged. "I'm more of a take-out man."
"Yeah, we know," Ken snickered. "Mr. 'Sure, I made Peking Duck! It's always served in styrofoam!'"
"Better than burning down the building on your night to make dinner."
"It was a small grease-fire. And the food was decent."
"Concentrate on the objective," Aya cut in, repressing a shudder at the mention of the deep-fry debacle. He tore the paper in his hand into three segments, passing one to each of his teammates. "Each is responsible for the items on his list. Ken, get a cart."
"Roger."
Aya's violet eyes narrowed as they swept the seemingly endless rows of shelves. There were few places in the world he liked so little as the supermarket. "Right," he said, as Ken rejoined them. "We don't know where anything is, so we'll start at that end, canvas an aisle each, meet at the end, then move over three."
"Brilliant!" Youji said. "No... wait. We've each got a third of the list; what happens if we pass an item on someone else's list?"
"Crap," Ken muttered. "It'll take too long if we don't split up."
Aya frowned. He motioned the other two over. "Here," he held up his list, the others following suit. "Try to memorize the other two... we'll just each have to double check at the end."
"Hmm..." Youji sounded dubious.
"Have a better idea?"
"Eh."
"Alright." Aya set off down the tile floor towards Aisle 1, making a quick summoning gesture to the others, who trotted along after. "Ken, you take Aisle 2, Youji, Aisle 3. Try to be thorough. Meet at the other end."
Youji threw a mock-salute as he and Ken positioned themselves.
"Go!"
Aya set off down Aisle 1, first quickly, then slowing from a stride to a walk. Then from a walk to a stop-and-start. He looked uncertainly from the list in his hand to the shelves. Milk... no... Soba... no... Natto--Aya grimaced. He'd pretend they were all out of that. He continued on. Orange juice... no... Soap--aha! ... No, that was dish washer detergent... He didn't see paper plates, disposable chopsticks, salmon--?
"Yo!"
Aya looked up, having come to the end of the aisle. Ken was standing there, cart empty. Aya frowned. "Nothing?"
"No..."
Youji emerged from the next aisle, flashing them a grin. "Corn!" he proclaimed, producing a green-labelled can with a triumphant flourish. Ken and Aya looked at him.
"Was there corn on the list?"
"Not on mine."
"No?" Youji tapped his chin with one finger. "Coulda sworn... Well," he shrugged. "I like corn." He dropped it into the cart.
"Now what?" Ken asked. "Move up?"
Aya shook his head. "We must have missed something. Trade lists and we'll sweep again."
Aya moved even more slowly this time, pausing first to read the list once through. Green beans, ground beef, cooking oil, aginomoto, teriyaki sauce, etc., etc., etc... Suupaa Kuriin? Aya looked up. Dish detergent was on there after all. But nothing else was in evidence. He collected the largest box he could find and continued to the end of the isle.
"Okay, I'm spooked," Youji greeted him with, waving his list in one hand. "Oh, and also my arm hurts. Where's Ken?"
"Here. I got stuff!" Ken arrived with the cart, three rolls of paper towels, nori and rice.
Youji put in the two bags of flour and sugar he'd been cradling in one arm. "What the heck does Omi want all this stuff for? There's some of the weirdest stuff on this list... Where does it go?"
"Into dinner?" Ken suggested.
"No way... Some of this stuff I've never even heard of." Youji made a face. "I suffered through high school English. What ungodly thing is 'Pokari Sweat'?"
"That's one of those fad drinks, don't you know it?" Ken looked surprised.
"Eh, I'm not too into designer drinks after Freude, ya know?" Aya shot Youji a look and he winced. "Forget I said that, please."
Ken waved it off. "Still, what's it on there for?"
"There was one before that he bought," Aya said. "The one with the impossible bottle."
"Oh yeah! We all broke our fingers on it before we realized we'd tossed out the opener."
Ken rubbed his right thumb, frowning. "Yeah, I remember that. This must be another one of those school trends."
Aya snorted. "An assassin who needs sugar-water in a fancy bottle to be popular at school."
"You were the class reject in high school, weren't you, Aya?"
Aya glared. "Move down."
Seventeen minutes later, the three assassins stared dejectedly into their half-empty cart and produced their lists.
"We're missing half the stuff here," Youji sighed. "We're never gonna get outta here alive, man. We shoulda just ordered take-out till Omi got over his cold and could do it himself."
"The fact that he was brandishing his crossbow when he kicked us out didn't phase you at all, Youji?"
"He was just kidding... I think."
Aya rubbed the back of his head. "Not the way he threw that tissue box. We may finally have exhausted his goodwill." He paused. "And that would be unfortunate given that I hate to shop and neither of you can cook."
"Ha, ha," Ken said sourly. "Man, the arm on him, though. Practically knocked you over."
"Did not."
"Oh, we did get replacement Kleenex, like he said," Youji offered. His stomach growled audibly. "Ahhhh, can't we wrap this up? Let's just say they were out of everything else!"
"I doubt he'll believe they were out of cooking sake and salt, among the least credible," Aya said. "How did we miss those, anyway?"
"This system isn't working, let's just go together," Ken sighed.
"I suppose," Aya conceded. "Here, you keep all the lists. We'll try to scan for everything at once as we go along."
"Haaai," Youji agreed wearily as they turned back down the aisle he had just come up.
Aya paused after a few paces. "Dairy."
"Hm?"
"Dairy," the redhead repeated, pointing. "There must be at least five items on the list here."
Youji looked guilty. "They weren't on the list I had..."
Aya sighed, snagging an abandoned cart. "You two go on to the next aisle, I'll get what we need here."
"Right..." Ken and Youji respectively wheeled and loped off less than enthusiastically. Aya got the milk, cheese, yogurt, orange juice, and another designer drink that had been on his part of the list. When he got to the next aisle, though, there was no sign of his teammates. He frowned, but went up it himself. Soap, shampoo, conditioner, a sponge and a flea-collar for Momoe-san's cat. This had been Ken's aisle... and he'd missed it all. Aya was pretty sure that'd been on Ken's list, too.
"Should've come alone," he grumbled to himself. Ken and Youji weren't proving much help...
"Whoo! Faster!"
Aya started. Wasn't that Youji's--? There was a peal of elated laughter from further off--Ken's, then Youji's. What...? Aya swung out of his aisle, narrowly avoiding a young woman's cart as he stalked past two aisles towards the source of the voices--
"Wah! Slow down, slow do--!"
Aya had the reflexes to step back as Ken's cart rammed his, sending it skidding a few feet before it tipped and spewed its contents across the floor. He stared at the mess for a moment, then turned to Ken, eyes widening. "What the hell--?" Both his teammates looked sheepishly back at him, Youji from inside the cart. "What is wrong with you two?!"
Youji scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Umm... we saw this kid doing it, and..."
"It looked like fun, and..."
Aya turned several shades of red in succession. "Are you children?!"
"W-well... we... Aw, c'mon, here." Youji climbed out of Ken's cart, going to right Aya's and reload the spilled goods. He wheeled it back, smiling winningly. "See, nothing broken, no harm done. Lucky you hadn't picked up eggs yet."
Aya's eye twitched. There were several people watching them by now, they had been in here almost a half hour already, and they were far from finished. And his teammates, rather than being helpful, were making a spectacle of themselves. "You're both in trouble."
"Ooh..." Ken's eyes sparkled mischievously. "Can we tie him up first?"
Aya choked.
Youji clutched at the collar of his shirt, looking at Aya with huge eyes. "Iya~ Aya, you wouldn't punish me, would you?"
"Discipline, discipline!" Ken cheered.
"But I still have the rope burns from last time..."
"Not just on your wrists, either, I be--" Ken froze, looking back at Aya. "Youji?"
"Eh?" Youji's eyes widened in earnest. "Run!"
As one, Balinese and Siberian took off down the aisle with the shopping carts. Aya let out a growl of rage and sprinted after them.
"Shiné!"
"Split up, split up!"
Whooping, Ken and Youji peeled off in opposite directions at the head of the aisle. Aya hesitated for a second, then darted after Youji.
"Pedestrians!" the brunet warned, screeching around the third corner. Aya came up short, confronted by a barricade of women, children and baskets.
"Che!" Youji tossed him a wink over his shoulder and kept running. Oh, so that's how it is? He ran to the next aisle, but no Youji. Aya's eyes narrowed and he shot down it, ignoring the looks he got from the people he skirted, emerging at the other end and catching a glimpse of Youji's shirt disappearing behind a shelf of chips.
Or so he thought... that aisle was empty but for one middling-aged man. Aya paused to catch his breath. Alright, you're being stupid. Don't sink to their level... He walked slowly the length of the aisle. Just find them and end this fiasco before...
There was a shriek from several aisles over.
"Oops, sorry, ma'am!"
Aya twitched. Ken. Now what?
"Hey, you got udon noodles on your list?"
"Yeah!"
Another shriek.
Aya grimaced. Good god, what on Earth are they doing?! He hurried down a few aisles, then ducked down one as he thought he saw Ken fly by the other end.
"Olives?"
"Yo!"
Something swished overhead.
You're kidding...
"Stewed tomatoes!"
Aya looked up. A can flew over from the aisle on his left to the one on his right. Plain disbelief scrawled itself across Aya's face.
"Sardines?"
"No, but why not?"
Swish.
"Nori?"
"Gotcha!"
Aya reached out and caught the light plastic package that flopped down into his aisle. He stood still for a moment, then closed his left eye before the twitching could get any worse.
"Uh... did you throw it?"
"Yeah!"
"Guess it was too light to go over, hang on..."
Youji appeared at the head of the aisle, Ken rolling up from the other side. Aya turned slowly to face them, the packet still in one hand. "Uh-oh..."
"Grrarrghh!!" Aya flung himself at Youji. Youji bolted--or tried to, going down hard when Aya tackled his legs. On his knees, he flailed for a split-second before throwing his arms in front of his face as he hit the floor.
"Wah, Aya, get off!!"
Aya climbed up over him, planting one hand between his shoulder blades and glowering down. "Don't move." He shifted the glare to Ken, who froze. "You--"
Ken backed up. "Oi, oi, calm down, Aya... you're in a public place..."
"YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO NOTICE THAT!"
"Ayaa..." Youji shifted under him. "C'mon, we're gathering a crowd again..."
Aya looked away from Ken to the motley group of people gawking from all sides. His cheeks flared bright red, but his expression did not soften. "Just fine," he hissed. Youji yelped as Aya swung his legs up to sit cross-legged on his waist. Aya cocked his head at Ken, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. "You have five minutes to get the rest of the items."
"Oi--" Aya's eyes narrowed and Ken gulped, backing up. "O~kay, I got it!" He spun and escaped down the aisle, the only open path at the moment.
"Aya!" Youji squirmed. "Naa, c'mon!"
Aya folded his arms, scowling resolutely straight ahead. "We're not moving till he gets back."
"This is embarrassing!"
"Oh?"
Youji growled, struggling up to his elbows. "Jerk," he hissed. "I'll get you for this later."
"Not in the way you think," Aya returned, equally low.
Youji twitched under him and Aya saw the side of his face redden with a measure of vindictive satisfaction.
Youji sighed loudly and grinned uneasily at their audience. "Well, uh, nothing to see here, folks." No one moved. "Clear off, you thrill seekers," he growled. Still, no movement. Youji dropped his head onto his arms. "Dahhh, I hate you, Aya!"
Aya snorted and stayed still.
After a minute or two, the spectators lost interest and dispersed. Now they were getting looks from the employees at the registers. Youji grumbled into his arms, but didn't protest aloud again.
Finally Aya relented and slid off him, settling next to him against the shelves. "Sit up, but if you move, I'll kill you."
Youji did, shooting him a dire glare, but not disobeying. "Dammit, Aya, we were just having fun..."
"Hmph."
Youji gave another over-loud sigh. "They're still looking at us funny."
"Stop pouting."
"You already said I was a kid."
Silence.
"... I'm hungry."
Silence.
"Are you gonna cook when we get home?"
"Hardly."
"Not gonna let Ken do it?"
"No."
Youji's eyes widened. "Me? Come on, you know the only kitchen utensil I can use is the phone!"
"That can be your punishment."
"Well, what about Ken's, then?!"
"I could make him nurse Omi."
Youji snickered. "But... but I can't cook on an empty stomach! I'm hungry..."
"Whining?"
"Not whining."
"Then shut up."
"But I'm staaarving."
Aya rolled his eyes. "What do you want, Youji?"
Youji perked up. "Could I add something to the list?"
"You two have been changing it right along, haven't you?"
"A little... but just stuff we'd use anyway."
Aya paused. "What do you want?" he repeated, curious.
"There's this cookie..." Youji ignored Aya's groan, motioning with both hands. "This big, and so good! With chocolate chips and macademia nuts and stuff. Omi brought one for me once in exchange for switching shifts."
"I didn't realize you had a sweet tooth," Aya said, repressing a smirk.
"Officially, I don't." Youji flashed his most charming smile. "Get it for me and I'll try not to poison you with my 'punishment.'"
"Huh." Aya rose, taking their second cart with one hand. "Alright, up."
The detective's green eyes glittered. "Eh? Really?" He took Aya's hand to get up, then raised an eyebrow at the redhead when he failed to let go.
"You're not running off again."
Youji shrugged and followed Aya as he headed off. "Two devastatingly handsome men walking hand in hand through the supermarket. This isn't suspicious at all."
"The bakery was this way," Aya said, face darkening and grip tightening.
Youji coughed, pulling his sunglasses out of his breast pocket and pushing them high up on his nose.
A few minutes later, Aya and Youji arrived at the checkout, Youji with a small paper bag he was trying not to look overly thrilled with. Aya rolled up to the last register to wait, glancing at his watch. "He's got twenty seconds."
Youji took a sly look around then lifted his bag to his nose. He took a deep whiff and grinned in anticipation. "I'm not sharing this with you."
Aya rolled his eyes. "Ten seconds..."
"Ah." Youji looked up. "There he--"
Aya half-turned. Ken was barrelling up the checkout aisle, looking panicked. Aya twitched. "What--?"
Ken screeched to a halt behind Aya's cart, gasping for breath. "You've got the shop credit card, right, Aya?! Check out already!"
Youji was already piling groceries onto the conveyor belt. Ken joined him, almost frantically. "Don't. Ask. Just. Check. Out!"
With a sense of impending doom, Aya, too, began to help. He cast a quick glance over his shoulder, but didn't see anything and concluded it'd be best to hurry.
The young woman behind the register nodded as Aya stepped up, swiping the credit card as the last of the items were scanned. The receipt was just being printed when there was an echoing crash from the other end of the market.
The three assassins and the clerk all started. Aya didn't need to ask what had happened, reclaiming the woman's attention with a brusque, "Excuse us, we're in a hurry." He nudged Youji's foot with his own, not turning, but hoping the other two weren't giving them away behind his back. The clerk handed him the slip to sign. Aya picked up the pen--
Another crash, a pause, then there was a creaking groan, and the sound of countless glass containers smashing to the floor... which didn't stop, but continued.
"Damn it!!" Ken wailed.
Aya groaned, signed his name as fast as he could and pushed his teammates out of the aisle. "Let's go!"
They grabbed the bags in armfuls, dumped them into the carts and fled, the sound of collapsing shelves, falling cans and shattering glass roaring behind them.
They barrelled down the ramp outside, flew through the parking lot to Aya's parked car. Aya threw himself into the front seat and popped the trunk, Youji and Ken upended the carts into it and shoved them out of the way, then jumped into the back seat. Aya pulled out of his space before their doors were closed and screeched out of the parking lot, leaving the supermarket behind at more than illegal speeds.
"Half of this is broken!!"
Aya, Ken, and Youji winced. Omi stalked past them again, picking up a juice-soaked bag of rice, then dropping it in disgust. "Most of the rest is ruined! There's four thousand yen worth of stuff that wasn't even on the list!!" He came to a halt, brandishing the receipt and glaring daggers at the three of them. "WHY can't you guys do something SIMPLE like grocery shopping without... without...!!"
"Messing up completely?" Ken offered.
Omi glowered. Ken and Youji hung their heads. Aya looked off, wanting to retort that this was all their fault, not his, but convinced that would only make their youngest member angrier. Even small as he was, and in striped pajamas with his face flushed with cold--the rare times that Omi lost his temper, he was... formidable. "The bag with your cold medicine and tissues was safe," he offered, pointing.
Omi rounded on him. "You're paying for all the unusable stuff!"
Aya opened his mouth to protest and received an elbow in the gut from Youji. His eyes narrowed. Revenge. Extra. Later. Youji gave him a sour look back.
A sneeze drew their attention back up. Omi was fumbling with the new tissue box; pulled one out and blew his nose loudly. Aya sighed inwardly. It was fair that he was angry, he did this all the time, and the one time he asked--well, ordered and coerced--them to cover for him, they failed.
"What," Omi started again, sounding tired. "Do you think we're going to eat now, when you've ruined all the ingredients?"
There was embarrassed silence.
"Uh... take-out?" Youji volunteered.
"Well. This is nice."
"Youji. Don't... make me hurt you."
"Ara, Ken, you sound like you don't like eating American. In the car. In the rain."
"It was your stupid comment that got us kicked out, idiot!"
Youji sniffed. "I was trying to be helpful."
"Next time, shut up."
"Next time, try not breaking the supermarket."
"I upset ONE freakin' display! I thought I put it back together, too..."
"Nice job. It must've been the attack of the canned yams that ate Kajiyama's."
"They fell. They rolled. They... knocked out one of the shelf supports, I guess... Gah, ANYWAY, shut up! It wasn't my fault! And at least we'd still be inside if YOU--"
"Both of you be silent," Aya hissed from the front seat. "Or I'll turn you out in the street." He glared at the obnoxiously-named burger he was holding two-handed, as if to hold it at bay. He hated American fast food with a vengeance--only half because of one of his part-time jobs as a teenager--but on the money Omi had left them after extorting payment for the ruined groceries, it was all they could afford.
Ken and Youji glared at each other for a moment, before huffing and looking out their respective windows. The three of them dealt with their respective 'meals' in silence.
"Well, there's a bright side to this," Youji announced with a smile. Ken cocked an eyebrow at him. "I've got dessert." He produced his cookie out of his jacket pocket.
"You managed to nab that?" Ken asked, impressed.
"Never put it down, of course." Youji unwrapped it reverently. "Ahhh, confectionary heaven--"
"Oi." Ken grabbed his arm before he could get a bite. "You're not gonna share?"
Youji blinked. "What're you crazy? No way! Aya got it for me!"
"Wha~t?! No fair!"
Aya turned around and plucked the cookie out of Youji's hands, yanking it out of reach and raising a hand at Youji's indignant yelp. "As I remember... this was supposed to be in return for your making dinner. Which you did not."
Youji sat back in his seat, folding his arms. "Fine," he huffed. "I'll share it."
A pensively malign smile lifted Aya's lips. "Ken... you're wearing a belt, aren't you?"
Instant recognition flickered across both his teammates' faces.
"What--?! No!" Youji flailed as Ken tackled him, wrestling him onto his stomach. "Dahh, lemme go, Ken!"
The soccer-player grinned, pinning Youji's arms behind his back and holding them with one hand while he pulled off his belt. "Nahh, can't disobey a direct order, after all."
"I'M ordering you: get off!" Youji struggled vainly as Ken secured his arms, then pulled him upright again. "Hey!" he said, as Aya broke off half of the cookie and handed it to Ken. "What, I don't even get any?" They nodded, starting in.
"Hey... this really is good!"
"Not bad," Aya agreed.
"Bastards!" Youji growled, twisting against the improvised bonds. "You're both evil!"
Ken licked one finger slowly. "No worse than you, you weren't gonna share." Youji scowled.
"Be good and I'll save you part," Aya said. "To feed you."
"Be good?" Youji said warily.
"Discipline!" Ken exalted, forgetting sweets. Aya nodded, the gleam in his violet eyes decidedly lascivious.
"WHAT!?" Youji backed into the corner. "Hey, not here...!"
"First we'll finish eating," Aya said matter-of-factly. "Then I'll deal with you as I see fit. Then we go find somewhere else to replace all those groceries."